Focus on Candice
Candice and Kaitlyn
My name is Candice and I am 24 years old. Many of you might be surprised to learned that 6 years ago I gave birth to a little girl. I was 18 years old when I shuffled into my local hospital at 36 weeks gestation, 8 cm dilated, with a broken water and contractions that were worse than anything in my young life could even have imagined. 3 hours later my daughter graced us with her presence at an eye blurring time of 2:12 am. I was alone that night save for my very devoted father, who I had just made into a grandfather, a nurse and a very tired doctor. My daughter's father wasn't there for her birth. We called him many times before she was born, but no one at his place ever picked up. He did come, eventually, 14 hours after her birth. That right there should have tipped me off about him, but I was in love and as we all know, love is blind. The months following my daughter's birth were the most frustrating, yet heart-warming months of my life. Not only was I watching my child learn and grow but I was also learning and growing as a human being, and as a new young mother. Sure I got those looks and those comments that the general public seem so fascinated at asking, but I never let them bother me. After all, who were they to judge me and my choices? Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone, as they say. After 8 months of being parents to our little girl, her father and I broke up. He just wasn't what I believed she needed at the time. I don't regret my choice to break up with him, but I do see now that I really didn't let him be a father to her, didn't let him find his own way. I just gave up on him, and I will say I do regret that. Many years have passed since he and I broke up, and with each passing day I see how he just steps even further away from his responsibilities. He will not call to check on her, he will not ask to see her, only when his own parents are involved in having the two of them together, will he take an interest in our child. Maybe it was because I gave up on him that he has now given up on himself as a father, or maybe it's the simpler truth, that he just doesn't care to have our child around him, I'm not sure anymore, but it doesn't matter anyways.
A Second Child
In May of 2005, I fell in love again. Much to our surprise, 2 months later I popped up pregnant. We hadn't really discussed our future in the terms of children, but upon seeing those 2 blue lines on the pregnancy test, my boyfriend, Eric gave me a huge hug and said “Thank you for being in my life” I knew then that he and I were meant to be together. In February of 2006, and again at 36 weeks gestation, I brought my 2nd child into the world. Ella, as we later named her, came with the force of a rocket and a set of lungs to match. She was the most beautiful thing, besides my oldest daughter, I had ever seen. A new flood of love washed over me and I fell in love with life all over again. Eric and I felt more connected then than we had ever felt before. The four of us were a family unit now, a whole and we stuck together like glue. It was a completely different birth with Ella than I had with my oldest, Kaitlyn. With Kaitlyn I was so scared, I was unsure of my abilities as a young woman and weather I could actually perform this age old ritual of passage into motherhood, not to mention the idea that after the birth was over, I still had to go home and actually BE someone's mom.
Differences
With Ella it was so much different. I was calm, sure of my self in all things, I had someone who loved me there with me (not to say that my father doesn't love me, but I felt completely alone at Kaitlyn's birth) and not to mention I was 5 years older!
I could control my body, my fear, my mind with Ella's birth. I directed it how I wanted, instead of hoping someone would get rid of the pain, fix the problem for me.
Loving Life
It's been almost 15 months since Ella was born, and it is coming up on 2 years since I met Eric. Every day is different from the last, and I wake up every morning to the sound of my children quietly snoring while my loving husband, Eric sounds more like a sleeping bear.
I love my life. I love the fact I found myself when a tiny baby girl let out her first cry at 2:12 am 6 years ago. I am the woman I was meant to become, I am the mother I have always wanted to be. In good times and in bad, my family is there, always.